Page 19 - BEQ Magazine Iss 19

occurred on April 8, 2016, when she fully transitioned. or bring up my wrong name if we’re out shopping
Growing assisting the Army National Guard, Air National someone to feel “duped” by
somewhere and there’s a male or female who may not
She spent more than five years with the Maryland
like trans people, you’re putting my life in jeopardy .’
Defense Force, a volunteer, state military agency
Karen said the last thing she wanted was for
Guard and Emergency Management Agency in
Maryland. She earned the rank of Staff Sergeant
finding out she is transgender.
before she retired in 2017 and earned a number of
Overall, she feels her mother
awards and commendations during her service,
advocacy including Soldier of the Year. has good intentions, even
though it took her time to come
Karen was still serving in the military when
around.
the Pentagon announced intentions of allowing
I told Karen that, when
transgender soldiers to openly serve and came
my daughter came out, I dove
out. When former President Trump announced his
headfirst into every resource
trans military ban via Twitter in 2017, she openly
advocated against it.
started dating yet and, frankly,
I asked Karen if she would be willing to talk with I could find. Ashley hasn’t
me about trans advocacy and how to be a better I hadn’t started thinking about
advocate overall, and she graciously agreed. that stuff yet. But Karen got me
thinking about things I hadn’t
RYANN BROOKS: I read through your journey on your considered before: the issues
website, and it seems like you had an idea about who my daughter will face when
you were, at least some idea of who you were, even if you she does start dating. Sure,
couldn’t, I guess, verbalize it or put the pieces together, I’ve faced things as a cisgender
100% for a long time. woman when I was dating
and still have to make certain
KAREN KENDRA HOLMES: That’s why my tag line is choices based on my gender.
‘40 years & wandering no more.’ I finally figured this Things like, can I go for a run alone at this time KAREN
crap out after 40 years. of night? Or should I just stay home and suffer on KENDRA
the treadmill? HOLMES is a
transgender
RB: It feels like you started realizing you felt differently It’s another layer of awareness. advocate,
around the same age that my daughter has, so I’m veteran and
excited to have this conversation with you. I feel like I’ll RB: I do have to worry about walking by myself down motivational
speaker . Learn
get a lot of insight as a mother. Obviously, as a cisgender the street at night, but it’s another layer ... you have a more about her
woman, I won’t ever truly understand her experience. I’m different experience than I do. at kkholmes .
not gonna live that experience, and the best that I can com . | COURTESY
do is just be there and support her as best as I can. KK: And that’s something you have to teach your PHOTO
daughter . I know I have to worry about that now and I
KK: This is a big start for you to do that, so I would didn’t before . About four years ago, I was leaving one
just say, listen to your child and you may have of my favorite clubs, heading to my car, and of course,
questions that you want to ask her, too . She’s gonna the parking lot is dark, and I hear this guy yelling
need to have somebody close to her age to talk to from behind me . He was a pretty good distance away .
because she might feel like you won’t understand or I kind of ignored him, but he was talking to me and I
you can’t figure that out for her. Give each other time. started pulling out my keys, put a finger on the button
For my mom, it took a little bit of time for her to get for the alarm to go off on the car . As a woman, you
the right pronouns and to remember my new name have to be aware and ready to protect yourself, that’s
because she’s 83 now. She would always use that, ‘I’m something that’s gonna be very important for her to
80,’ or ‘I’m 75.’ I’m like, ‘You, give it a break. You need to know . It is gonna be totally different . I can’t do half
start realizing that when you use the wrong pronouns the things I used to do .

SUMMER 2021 19
BUSINESSEQUALITYMAGAZINE.COM