Page 21 - BEQ Magazine Iss 19

their attempts were made before the age of 25. person wants to come, I’ve broken that barrier so they
I think about the first time my daughter told me should be accepted coming in now .
she wanted to die. She was 9 and hadn’t said anything
to us about having feelings of gender dysphoria yet. RB: What’s something that you, as a trans-individual,
She’s since told me that it’s something she had been really would like the cisgender community to know as we
struggling with for a long time. stand up and work to support the trans community, and
I want Ashley to be happy. I want her to live a full those of us who love people in the trans community, or
life. I want her to follow her dreams. I want her to are raising people in the trans community?
reach for the stars. I want her to succeed.
I cannot let her be a statistic. KK: I’m just a big pebble that’s been tossed out
But Karen reminds me that it’s not about me. I at that body of water, and the ripple effect is me
know this, but it’s important to hear it. It’s not about telling my story to you and other people who don’t
me. It’s never been about me. It’s always been about understand this, but knowing now who we are, you
my daughter and we have been mindful of doing can tell the next person and that person will tell the
everything on her terms. Still, Karen says I do have next person . I know that my ripple effect is only going
to draw a line at times and not be afraid to do that to go so far, but then eventually other trans people
because she is so young. will hear .
I tell Karen that I want to use my platform as
a writer to be a more vocal advocate, but I want Karen admits she never expected to be telling her
to be sure I am doing good work and not being story so widely or doing speaking engagements or
unintentionally harmful. TED Talks. She realized that she needed to share her
experiences in order to help other trans people. She’s
RB: My whole thing is, I’m not trying to be a voice. I’m helped people go through changing their names on
not trying to talk over trans voices; I’m trying to be a their driver’s licenses, on their social security cards
support for trans voices who aren’t being heard right and passports.
now or aren’t able to speak anymore because of the high She had her gender marker changed at her Karen spent
more than
suicide rate. Am I going about that the right way? hospital of choice when a supervisor could not figure five years with
out how to update her records, and finally, they the Maryland
KK: I’ve told a lot of doctors, nurses, parents, I tell created a new patient file and merged her health Defense Force .
them, ‘I thank you for being advocates for us, but records into the new file. She earned
the rank of
in conferences, in other meetings, you need a trans Staff Sergeant
person there because this is our life, we’re living it KK: This is what we need, people to step up and before she
24/7. You’ve only studied it, so there’s a big difference.’ keep helping fix a messed up system. If they do that, retired in 2017
And sometimes, if it feels appropriate, say, ‘You then things are getting a lot better for us . We can be and received
a number of
need help? You wanna go to the bathroom? I’ll go our true selves . When I was in the military, it totally awards and
with you . If people are coming down on you because affected how I was doing my job because I was commendations
you’re trans I’ll stand up for you .’ Let them know that worried ‘what if somebody finds out?’ If I don’t have during her
they have an advocate, somebody that’s gonna be to worry about that, then I can be my true self and service,
including
supportive of them . bring the good without having to worry about losing Soldier of the
my job . Year . | COURTESY
Karen achieved three promotions in the military. If we can be relaxed, then one day we won’t have PHOTO
She’s still accepted for who she is, they respect what to explain ourselves, we’re just that person, and
she does. that’s what I want to see change . And like I said, we
love advocates, we love people who support us and
KK: I feel like I am spearheading that, hopefully . I’m wanna be there for us, but if you’re at a conference or
still trying to say, Hey, why don’t you come with our meeting or something, you gotta have us at the table
group? I’m looking for more females -- I’m the only
female that’s with our military group -- and if a trans STORY CONTINUES ON PAGE 44

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